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Sunday, November 3, 2013

November(s)

I prefer the sunshine over falling leaves, but November sticks out from the other cold months as a time filled with good memories. A year ago I was somewhere in the air over the Pacific hoping to find some way to close the geographic gap that ocean put between us. I quickly found that it was not geography but ideology and my own "free" country that created the gap. It truly has been the most trying year of my life so far. The safety nets have been sacrificed and many times there seemed nothing between myself and the ground. I have watched many friends become fair-weather. Watched as family and trusted ones take advantage or seized the opportunity to ridicule my mistakes. I have been lucky to have a few old and some new become safe places of encouragement. I have heard most who hear our story tell me I'm nuts, but we push forward. Sometimes the pressure has seemed too much and we've had our moments where we thought of calling it quits, but I've come to realize that peace doesn't come from following the road others pick for you. I've challenged myself to not let outside influences and opinions cast shadows where none truly exist. There would be no peace if I simply gave up on myself, gave up on us. Though there have been and continue to be rough roads, I have learned so much about myself. While there have been many tears, loads of stress, sleepless nights, and heartbreak, I have also learned more about who I am and found strength I didn't believe existed. I have learned what value life has and what little value "things" have. November is amongst my favorite months. When I was younger I looked forward to having the family gather on a simple holiday. One filled with gratitude and nothing else to detract from it. Food and family made for a great day. It has been 6 years since that day was celebrated with the family I was given. I do miss the days when I thought I was accepted. Unfortunate that who I love would get in the way of continuing to be loved by them. I have no idea what that day holds for me this year, but I am truly looking forward to celebrating this day next year with 1 man and two little men who mean the world to me. I imagine that day may be my favorite so far.

1 comment:

Trev said...

Good to hear from you again!

I hope everything works out.