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Sunday, February 5, 2012

4 Years of Saying What Needs To Be Said



This song came out just as I was. It is the inspiration for this blog. I wasn't really coming out as much as giving up. I was about to tell my wife I had given up and was coming out until someone beat me to it. I came out to my family on Superbowl Sunday 4 years ago. I pulled them from their parties to tell them before my ex beat me to it. I was so embarrassed I didn't invite my mom.


I listened to this song over and over and over the week leading up to the Sunday I would tell my family. There is such honesty in the song and I could feel it. It was my moment to say what I needed to say. There are those songs that you feel were meant for only you and every word was dead on. This is one of them for me.


Coming out was ugly and painful. It was stressful and I cried many tears. But, it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. 4 years later has proven that I am a better man, a better father, and even a better (ex) husband than I was before.

So I sat as the center of attention in a dark living room, hands shaking, faith broken, the one man army tired of fighting. I told them who I was. I came out as bisexual (still true, but more on that later). I told them of the divorce. It was liberating and scary. The only reaction I recall is one brother hugging me as he left that night and telling me it didn't matter and that I was still his brother. He has been the only one in my immediate family to maintain such an opinion. I may have lost many biological family members that day, but I gain honesty, integrity, authenticity. The road has been rough at times and many tears have been shed, but it has been worth it. I would never go back for anything.

So as I remember the scared man shaking in that living room I am thankful he finally said it. It has been the road less traveled and it has made all the difference.

Say what you need to say...

1 comment:

Actually Textual said...

Ben,
Thank God for Gay fathers, us Gay fathers! I am sorry to read that your family turned against you. Rejection from those whose love and or acceptance we craved is so devastating. I do not really know you, but I am like you, and I am proud of who you are. You have beautiful boys who are lucky to have such a good dad. Wishing you the best, a fellow Gay father. James Weller