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Monday, November 10, 2008

Yes, you read right. I am a gay man.

My name is Ben Visser. I was born in Salt Lake. I have lived here all my life. I grew up in a normal, religious LDS family. I have two amazing boys, Ben Jr and Tucker. They are the buoy in the sea of life. They are my strength. They are the reasons I am motivated for a better, safer and more equal world.

Many of you that read this will have known me in high school or through church, others more recently. For those that knew me years ago, you may very well be shocked at my announcement of my sexual orientation. It is true and has always been true, even when you knew me before. Hopefully this will only be more information about me and not something that negates all that you knew of me before.

I married in the Salt Lake temple at 23 with all the hopes and promises made that I was merely "diseased" with something that could be cured. I only needed to love enough, serve enough, pray enough and try hard enough. Marriage does not cure something that is not a disease or mental disorder, so that was attempt was doom to failure. You can't fix that which isn't broken. I separated from Liz at the end of January, no cure found no peace given. We knew each other better than most couples do. We could beat anyone at the "Newlywed Game." Friendship does not always turn into true love though. I wanted love, and had convinced myself that what I had was love. All the bells, star struck eyes, euphoria and magic was all a lie to me, that wasn't love. it couldn't be. I was wrong. Five years later that remains are two lives that did what we could to receive that "curing" blessing, but now are faced divorce, anger and broken hearts. Marriage as a "cure" created 2 people that are now picking up the pieces. We tried to love, we tried to give it our all. We have now lost many years that could have been spent truly in love with people who truly loved us. I don't mean to throw a dimmer on the love we had. I loved her with all I could give. We are embedded in an ugly divorce and there has been many accustations thrown and punches taken. The hope is that one day we can somehow be friends. After having all the hurt, anger and bitterness, it is unlikely that we will ever get there.

"Our song" when we were just friends was "I Will Remember You" by Sarah Mclachlan. Odd coincidence?

Divorce isn't pretty. It is necessary. Liz and I deserve the chance to find the magic of everyday true love that many of our friends enjoy. As I get my life in order, I look to the future. I look forward to the opportunities to live and love.

I am Ben Visser. I have never been and never will be perfect. i have made my mistakes. I do all I can to recognize them and correct them. I am the same person I was when you knew me as a friend, youth leader, co-worker, brother, etc. I still am the core you knew. Yes, I am gay. That does not change who I am or have always been. I look forward to what life has to offer now that I can build on who I am...


Bruno said...

Hey, you are great!
You taught me a great lesson as I was reading your blog!
Have a great day!

Bruno said...

Ben, it is really interesting to read about you. It teaches me confidence and how we have to be ourselves in this world full of violence and discrimination. Although, I haven't known you for very long, but I can tell already that you are a good man, despite of your sexual orientation.
I had a great time with you, the other day. You taught me a lesson.
" Don't worry too much about what people think about you, live your life and be yourself".
I love your personality, you are great!!
Take care!
B R A d'santos